She hated being thought stupid. Mark did it all the time, talking down to her as he tried to explain his latest project to her. She may not have gone to the University and have half an alphabet behind her name, but she was not stupid. She understood more about what he did than he’d give her credit for. Not that he cared. He didn’t expect her to say anything when he was explaining things to her, looking at her with those patient eyes whenever she said anything and then explained in excruciating detail just why her comment was the stupidest thing she could have said. Was it any wonder she didn’t talk much?

Getting up from her seat, she tried to reach into the over head compartment, but being on the short side she wasn’t very successful. She climbed up on the seat instead, ignoring the dirty looks shot at her by the stewardess. She quickly grabbed her jacket and slid back down to the floor. Next time, she’d just dump her coat on the floor next to her carry on.

Among the hustle and bustle of her fellow travelers she looked lost. That’s how she felt. She thought she should be happy, after all it had been over a month since she’d last seen Mark and this was supposed to be a happy reunion. He sounded so happy on the phone when she talked to him last night, she didn’t want to change that. Trepidation ran up her spine.

Mark finally had the job he wanted, had the research grants he needed to continue his work, he had his whole life planned out. Heaven forbid something interfere with his plans. He wouldn’t even come with her to her sister’s wedding, since it conflicted with a tour by the bigwigs. He got red in the face when Marie suggested that he come down right afterwards.

No he’d have too much to do, he said in that condescending tone that left her feeling like a child. There would be reports to write, new procedures to institute and that would all have to be done at the soonest possible instant. But damn it, it was her baby sister’s wedding! So she had sat there watching Bess and Rick dancing and tried to remember the good times between her and her own husband. It was harder than she thought it would be. Lately Mark had never been home to have any good times. Except the night when they approved his new project.

They’d gone out for dinner to a little café on the river, watching the lights of the boats drift by like will’o wisps. She couldn’t remember what they’d eaten, or what they’d talked about except that they had connected for the first time in far too long. They walked home and then made love all night long. 

In the morning the phone rang, and then he was gone. She always felt like she came a distant second to his work.

She had no life! There was Mark’s work, Mark’s friends, Mark’s apartment... Oh sorry. They were in England now, it was a flat, not an apartment. And everything inside that place had Mark stamped all over it. Her friends and family were all back in the States. When Mark had gotten this job she’d been so excited. She’d be living in Europe with all its glamour and shine. She’d always wanted to travel and this was to be her chance.

Anywhere she went, she went on her own, though; Mark was too busy to do any sight seeing. After the first few weeks, traveling alone lost it’s appeal and she stayed home. Her sister’s wedding was a God send, even if Mark couldn’t make it. Part of her wondered if that was half the reason she enjoyed herself as much as she did.

For the most part, she’d had a blast. She caught up with her friends, had a long chat with her mother, cried with her other sister at the wedding, and danced with her brothers and cousins till dawn at the reception. The only low point was her visit to the doctor.

By this time she was off the plane, and wandering around the baggage claim, waiting for her suitcases to be unloaded. She remembered her parents helping her when she left, with tears in their eyes as they insisted on carrying the suitcases instead of letting her do that herself. Her eyes were just as filled. She missed them so much. At least they were happy for her, even if she wasn’t.

How could she let this happen? Her thoughts turned away of their own violation as she reached over and snagged her bags. It would be soon enough to think through all the implications. She wanted to enjoy the last few minutes of peace. Well, more than a few minutes, she still had to go through customs.

It wasn’t like she wanted this to happen, it just did. For a while there she thought it was impossible, but all the facts were there. How was she going to tell him? It wasn’t something she should just blurt out but she couldn’t figure out how to broach the news. Especially when she knew Mark wasn’t going to be happy about it. How could she let this happen?

It took a while, with those same thoughts circling around in her head the whole time, to get through customs. No she had nothing to declare, yes she was a resident returning back from vacation, and so on. The routine questions distracted her long enough for her to swallow her fear. She hoped.

Pushing the cart in front of her, her promise to her mom to take it easy in the front in her mind, she paused at the edge of the crowd of welcomers. She brushed a few loose locks of her short hair back off her forehead, using the faint reflection in the glass covered advertisements to make sure she wasn’t making things worse. She tucked her shirt straight and then tugged at her skirt to smooth the lines.

She noticed it was already a little tight around the waist. It was a little loose when she bought it but that was the way nature worked. How much worse can it get? She didn’t want to think about that. She had enough just trying to figure out what to say.