Disclaimer: Pretender characters, Miss Parker and Jarod belong to NBC and all them. The song is called the New Messiah,  is written by Jon Levine and can be found on the Philosopher Kings "famous, rich and beautiful..." These aren't the full lyrics. 

     Getting up, I let the twisted sheet slid down me to land in a pile on the bed. I walked forward to the open window and felt the whisper of a breeze sweep against my sweat glistened forehead like a lover's caress. I'd dreamt of him again. Taking a deep breath, I tried to banish the traitorous thoughts in my mind and failed miserably. Looking out over the moonlit streets I wondered where he was; if his sleep was troubled like mine with frustrated dreams of desire.

Are you the new Messiah
Turning my blood into fire...

     Tonight it was a simple dream. Just a scene of him standing behind me, his arms wrapped around me as we gazed out the window. How can one describe the passion such a simple embrace can hold? I could feel his every breath as his chest lightly expanded and I could feel the warmth of his hands as they slid along my arms, before he gently turned me around to look in my eyes.

In the visions your body inspires...

     I looked up into his face. His smile was filled with adoration as his face bent and his lips brushed mine. It's such a simple expression, that can convey a lifetime of pleasure; such a simple contact, that can change a life forever.

I'm letting you go to my head
Like a bullet to the brain.

     How could one man so fill my thoughts? Bad enough his freedom had become my waking obsession, but now even my dreams are haunted. Haunted by a ghost of the man I hunted. I've had him in my sights more times than I care to remember and yet each time he eludes my grasp. Turning abruptly away from the scene below me I fled my bedroom for the sanctuary of the outside world.

When I first saw your brown eyes,

     From the first time I ever saw him, sitting so alone in more ways than I could ever imagine, I felt him reach out to me. His large eyes pleading with me, how could I shut him out? I'd sneak away from Daddy to see him and we'd sit and talk. But after my mother died, I couldn't feel anything. I shut everyone and everything out.
     But he was still there. I remember a night when he came to see me. I was in the Center waiting for Daddy and I to start our vacation but with a last minute call for a meeting, I slept on a cot in the corner of Daddy's office. But somehow he found me and came to me. I was crying and he dried my tears. Leaning over I kissed him, much like I had months earlier, placing my young hand in his.

I swear that I'd seen your face before.

     Opening a cupboard I pulled out a glass filling it with ice water. The dim light from the large bay window sparkled on the ice, pulling me further into my memories

I don't know where or when

     Then it was back to the real world, where he didn't live, where he couldn't live. I grew up and changed. I became hard, like I swore I would be. I would never be weak; I would always be strong. Strong enough to hold up against whatever the world threw at me.

If you were heaven sent, or just hell bent, on taking me in...

     But I never expected what happened. He left. He went out into the real world where I never thought he could live and he surprised us all. He lived, he thrived, he was happy, he was free. And they wanted me to bring him back.

I'm no good no more,
All my prayers fall short.
I'm not strong enough...

And then he came to me in my dreams. He would hold me, caress me and fill me in a way that exceeded what little passion I had ever felt in my life before. I wanted him back more than ever and yet it was only in my nightmares that he was. But I still hunt him. If I give up, I won't be strong; I won't have accomplished what I said I would. But my heart betrays me every time I catch a glimpse of him. I never feel triumph as I watch him captured, I only feel fear and when he gets away, my heart sings underneath my curses. My frustration is always at myself and never at his escape.

If you are the new Messiah,

The glass in my hand flies through the air and smashes against the wall. The small pieces of glass pick up the light, like the ice had earlier, but it soon fades as the shards scatter, reflecting nothing except the emptiness in my soul.

Turning my blood into fire,
Our are twisted like wire
In the visions your body inspires

I could still feel his hands from my dream, as they gently run up my arms to cup my face. The feel of his fingers as they stroke my lips, setting them alive with fire as he drives me wild with the promise held in his eyes.

Come cross the river of fire
to sleep in this bed of desire.

     And then I woke with his name on my lips.

I'm letting you go to my head

     "Jarod."

Like a bullet to the brain.

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